Fear delivered on a Silver Platter

Right before I left Indy, I was emailing with my best friend about the lives we live and the decisions we make. And in the midst of all the chatter, I said to her, "We'll never have an extraordinary life story without doing things that genuinely scare us."

I'd heard people say things like that before, but I'd never truly understood the power in fear. I know with adventure comes fear, and with fear comes growth. All things new tend to mean having to risk all that you know, for a chance to experience life and to become the person you grew up imagining.

Moving to SF placed a fear so giant in me that I almost turned it down, but in the end (obviously) took on the challenge. So far, so good.

We'll see how it goes! Bring on the adventure.




"No city invites the heart to come to life as San Francisco does. Arrival in San Francisco is an experience in living" - William Saroyan

Time to the Out...Adult On the Loose

"I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope .. against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope. " Meridith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

I went to my office for the first time last week and in one foul swoop, I felt like adulthood had descended on me.

Holy crap.

Picture this with me: I make my way into the lobby, Lisa is meeting me downstairs because the building and all of its security will not allow me inside without the proper identification. She hands me my offical key card,which neither of us know how to use, but we manage. Entering the elevator I feel a bit of a rush...this is no church building. As we exit, it hit's me, I'm on the 22nd floor of 425 Market St. in the heart of the financial district.

What?! How'd that happen?

I'm introduced to the main receptionist (yes,we have one of those) and Lisa takes me around the floor. There's a kitchen with at least a bazillion types of various coffee packets and a dishwasher, an authentic mail room, and a conference room to die for. It's a maze of a place, and I'll be amazed if I can find my actual office ever again.

We enter her office first, small, cozy, big windows. I look down, woah, 22 floors is really high up. She then shows me to the office I'll be sharing. It's absolutely massive. There are four desks, huge windows and art. My breath is literally caught in my throat and I can't help but laugh.

You have got to be joking me....I am definitely not in Kansas anymore Toto...or Indy for that matter.

The view is to die for. We didn't get the bay, but we got all of Market St. and downtown. It's gorgeous. I tried each of the desks out, of course opting for one near the windows. With the sun slightly in my eyes and the bounce of my new office chair, I take it all in.

As the euphoria (and slight dizziness) wears office, reality hits.

This office cannot have come cheap. We are going to have to work really hard to pay for this. That means results, that means I must be good at my job. That means responsibility. And sadly, that means no more Perez Hilton.

But, I'm up for the challenge.

The first time I came to San Francisco and was walking up and down Market St. I thought to myself, this is where I always imagined I'd be. Not SF literally, but in the midst of a big city, working in a high rise building, coffee in hand, laptop by my side.

And now here I am...well minus the Starbucks...those puppies are expensive.

Hot Pockets Anyone???? Where's IFSA when I need them?!

Gas Check: 4.54-4.71

Today is a cause for celebration:

I finally have 99.7 % of my belongings out of their boxes and into their respective homes (aka under the bed) I haven't hid anything under my bed since high school. It made me feel so youthful...and cramped.

That is where the party ends.

I love the room, love the house, I love the location. I really do. The set up is great, it's the perfect size, however I had all these hopes for the room. A new desk, a black bookshelf from IKEA, a mobile hot tub. None of which included putting my tv on a rubbermaid tote, laying my computer on the floor or stuffing every last item of clothing in a small three-stack. However as my credit card came out...adulthood took over. And by that, I mean the little voice that is financial independence. It hit me as I was planning on getting my car tested for smog. Moving is expensive. California is expensive. Smog tests are bloody expensive.

And lame-o. Now, I'm all about saving the earth Captain Planet style, but by golly make it affordable.


Here's what else I've noticed when it comes to money:
-It certainly does not grow on trees....1 point Mom and Dad
-Everything requires money. Even the bridge I crossed to get to the airport
-It should really say "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of a Debt free Society."
-I think I'll be eating more hot pockets then ever before
-The age old question "If I had a million dollars" is setting you up for failure
-The necessities of life should be free...free food, free shoes, free clothes, free gas.
-I have none...and I live in a neighborhood where clearly I'm in the minority. I'd kill for the IFSA parking lot right now.

So, instead of buying groceries or a tv stand, I'm sitting here, because sitting here is free and free is the wave of the future.

(Cue American flags, Politicians and Pomp music.)

The Past, the Present...Now on to an Amazing Future.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Welcome to the real world. tada.
So I decided that it was time to blog again. Ahh, it reminds me of college, a time when life is much much eaiser.Now, two years later I have yet to find the dream job and once again feel ambuished by the unknown.Its so not cool.
Posted by Michelle at 2:04 PM 0 comments


This was my very last post, in my very last blog over a year ago. SO much has happened since then that looking back, I find myself floored by the realm of change. In the past year here is the 30 seconds or less run down on what's happened in this little thing called life:

1. Got my first dream Job-Moved to Indianapolis
2. Got my second dream Job-Moved to San Francisco

That's right folks: A whole lot of moving and shakin' going on. But I guess that's what our 20's are for right?

Looking back, I'm actually thankful for the struggles I had early on. Not only does it make success even that much more gratifying, but I wouldn't have had the life experiences that have shaped me without getting lost for a bit.

Let me set the scene:

2005: an eager Coug graduate, still wiping the Pullman dew off my brow, attending my first professional conference and confident that I'd go home at the end of the week with at least a trillion offers.

Reality: zero offers, tired feet and a hangover from the receptions that lasted into the wee hours.
Well, scrap that. On to Pre-School teacher extrodinare. Maybe I was destined to teach.

Reality: maybe I was not. I have to say, working with kids everyday is one of the most humbling experiences. You are literally watching their minds grow, and helping them see things for the first time in their lives. But then they fight, and they cry and they roll around and sing and dance when it's supposed to be nap time...Check please.

2006: Let's start the year off with a bang and apply to teach English in Japan...Come on, all the cool kids are doing it.

Reality: An amazing, challenging, rewarding, mind boggling, gut wrenching, tongue-twisting, life-changing, thought provoking, self-wallowing, heart-making, first-timing, lost & finding, laughing and giggling, whining and dining year.

(I have Memoirs of a Geisha to thank)

2007: Let's try this little thing called NAFSA again. I was going to give it one more go. I knew I had found my niche and with a little bit of patience, my time would come....holla and I was right.

Reality: An unofficial job offer that eventually fell through, a little more experience and the frustration of sitting by the phone...hoping it would ring...and what do you know...Just when my mom told me I needed to have a back up plan, the phone rang, the job offer came and I was on my way to flat Indianapolis.

2008: Call me Mary Poppins, but the weather's changing and oh what does that mean...yes....another move.

So here I am, three years wiser, not at all richer, but so much happier...let the SF good times roll.